From June 30 to July 13, I will be at UCLA by myself to learn about camera acting! Not that I have a strong passion in theatre (I feel like I need more experiences to feel that way), it was always something that triggered my curiosity because it seemed to be so different from any other areas of study. When I found out about this course, I thought this might be the first and the last time I can try learning about camera acting with professional people. I know I have almost zero experience/background knowledge about camera acting, but I took a risk and applied!
Obviously, I got in, but I am starting to feel a bit anxious for couple of reasons.
(listing all my worries would make me feel a bit better 🙂 )
1) The fee is very expensive, I feel like I need to make the most out of it. I am trying to apply to scholarships to lessen the financial burden on our family, since we didn’t have any income this year.
2) My classmates (looking at their Bio/videos) look so experienced in theatre and confident: some of the kids are already in the movies 😧
3) It requires a lot of pre-arrival work, and it is an overwhelming amount of work to finish before I get there on the 29th. The to-do list I made (the picture attached!) is all the work I need to complete, it makes me worried everytime my eyes catch the sight of it. I have never done anything like these before, so the concern about its quality is also present. It is also a lot of memorization as well, until the classes start, so I need to keep practicing. I am also worried about writing scripts/monologues because I have never written a script before!
4) Since English isn’t my first language, I am afraid if language will be an obstacle for me while it’s not for others. Especially because camera acting depends a lot on my voice and speech/pronunciation.
5) I am very busy; I have to meet my friends for the last time one by one, we are having many guests, I am also writing a book now, and I have to start packing my stuff since we are moving back to Korea in a month. On top of that the pre-arrival work & the summer camp itself makes me overwhelmed.
Since I decided to do this just to try out what has been making me curious in these recent years, this expectation (seriously, it’s not even started!) and workload makes me feel quite pressured.
But I think the only way to tackle the fear is to actually do it. If I try my best to complete all the work I am assigned to do, I will feel a bit better even though it is going to be a hard process. Most importantly, I need to have a grateful heart. This is not an opportunity that comes to everybody. I should be grateful that I can get to explore something new with very experienced people, and it will certainly stretch my limit. I believe I will have some fun there! I hope I have my social battery left by the point I’m in LA. I’ll keep praying!
